


Strange Addictions

by Elliot404, Kaeung



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Internal Conflict, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Mutual Pining, NSFW, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Original Universe, Slice of Life, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:00:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28892544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elliot404/pseuds/Elliot404, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaeung/pseuds/Kaeung
Summary: Lucian and Astrel’s friendship was strong, and it was undeniable. The two were seen as inseparable. They were jokingly paired together romantically by their friend group and they even got in on the jokes themselves, but when they both start to feel more, Astrel's empty promises make Lucian wonder when enough is enough.“Lucian?” Astrel’s voice rang through his ears. The call fell silent. All their laughter died down for Lucian to feel them expect an answer from him.“You’re a fucking asshole.” Lucian’s throat tightened, everything hurt. He needed to leave, “I—I’m sorry guys, I think I’m gonna get off today. I’ll see you later.” He stuck around the call for a second just to hear awkward goodbyes from Mark and Ruben before he left the voice chat.“You wanna kiss me so bad, huh?” That one sentence bounced around in his skull. The words that had left Astrel’s mouth with such fondness and affection, yet the hints of sass and fake hostility left Lucian dumbfounded. And naturally, he acted defensively, but he felt overwhelmed. He couldn't have stayed."You promised you would wait." He mumbled with a defeated voice.
Kudos: 2





	Strange Addictions

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! I’m not sure how much attention this’ll get or if I’ll ever get around to publishing or finishing this, but for the people who do read this I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> I have a bit of a difficulty trying to explain my own emotions as these characters’ emotions were born from my own experiences, please bare with me. c:
> 
> Astrel's design was made with the help of my co-author, Kaeung.

On another plane of existence, two men with the same features stand opposite from each other. One wore a deep blue cardigan paired with charcoal-black sweatpants. The other’s clothes were tattered and stained scarlet, the blue cardigan appeared charred in certain areas. And a giant dark splotch stained the cloth, sitting atop the middle of his chest where his heart lay under, dormant.

“Who are you?” Asked the one who’s cardigan remained untouched. “Are you me?”

The entity didn’t answer him.

“It’s **you**!” He raised his voice in realization, “What the hell do you want!? You’re always here, always coming back to haunt me.” His eyes narrowed and his chest tightened with frustration.

“Why can’t I get rid of you?” His voice grew tired, as if he’d dealt with this entity much more than he’d ever wanted. The flame in his voice had reduced to an ember as quick as it was to roar with rage.

”You already know why.” The doppelgänger said finally, not satisfying the other’s need.

His eyes widened with confusion, and with a sudden urge of impulse he burst into a sprint towards his ruined reflection, reaching a hand out. “What the hell do you mean!?” He screamed. He was inches away, seconds from retrieving the answers he’d wished for for so long.

“Lucian!” A familiar voice screaming in his ear shoved him back into reality before he could make it.

Lucian’s body jerked hard at the sight of the sharp attentive grey eyes of his best friend staring into his mind, as if to pull him out of his distressed state.

“Are you okay? I’m sorry if I startled you.” The taller, grey-eyed male backed off, “You were moving a lot in your sleep.”

Lucian quickly cleared his throat, swallowing a hard ball of fear before being able to speak to him. “I’m—I'm alright. Don’t be sorry, I’m glad you helped me out Astrel.” His eyes quickly darted around the room, he was still here, still in his living room with his best friend. Relief and longing washed over him. In his head they were always just friends, nothing more and nothing less, but recently he’d been feeling more than that around him. After every interaction left him wanting more and more, it soon grew to hurt, but he couldn’t tell him.

“You haven’t touched your sandwich, dumbass.” Astrel teased, rubbing a hand in Lucian’s black hair.

Lucian snapped back like a little embarrassed chihuahua. “Stop it! You’re messing up my hair.” He slapped his hand away then used it to fix himself back up, pouting to himself as Astrel giggled at his struggle. He pulled himself back out of the raging ocean of his emotions into the calm contentment that surrounded Astrel, letting it engulf him for the rest of his stay. It felt refreshing, talking freely and joking around with him with occasional comforting silences between them as they sat on the couch, Lucian felt safe. Even though he knew in the back of his head that as soon as Astrel left, he’d be aching again.

Once it was time for Astrel to go back home, Lucian could feel his chest tighten. The calm only lasted so long.

“I’ll see you later, we can watch some movies on discord if you feel like it.” Astrel suggested, standing at the open front door with his bag. Lucian wasn’t sure, but he had a feeling Astrel felt just as bad as he did about leaving.

Lucian managed a small smile, “Yeah, we can binge this new anime I found.”  
_Bitter,_ He thought. “That sounds good to me.” Astrel smiled back, giving Lucian’s head a pat. _But better than nothing._ Lucian added to himself, feeling that if he were to stick around any longer he’d break.  
  


“I’ll see you then, VC 4.” Lucian waved him off after a brief yet hesitant hug between them. Astral nodded afterwards then walked off, and Lucian’s eyes followed him to his car into the driveway until he disappeared down the road.

A long sigh escaped him after he closed the front door, his chest felt tight. He felt all the words caught up in his throat, begging to flow out of his mouth.

 _How long before I break?_ Lucian cursed in his head, wishing he’d know how to explain this feeling to himself. He felt sick. Spending most of his time by himself trying to wrap his head around Astrel’s words whenever they were on call, all the teasing and the joking. He couldn’t tell if he felt it too, or if he was unintentionally yet cruelly playing with his heart. _It hurts to think._

**~~**

Lucian perked up at the familiar _ding!_ of a user entering the voicechat, eyeing Astrel's online alias _Sad_Muffin._ Seeing just a couple words never brought him so much joy until now, watching the welcoming green ring appear around the icon once he spoke up. "I hope I'm not late." he said with a chuckle, the sound of Astrel's voice always seemed to make him smile. "Sorry-- movie's already over." Lucian's voice was laced with playful sarcasm, "What took you so long?" "Well, I got distracted with this new game I bought..." Astrel trailed off into another tangent about a fantastic new indie game he had discovered and started playing. Lucian didn't mind listening, hearing him sound so happy about something made him feel better, perhaps even a bit special knowing that Astrel was completely comfortable sharing his experiences with him. His voice alone was a security blanket for his unrested mind. 

Sadly, it didn't last long. Once this moment of bonding was over they settled into the comforting silence of eachother's presence, watching the show. In Lucian's head it always felt better since it made him feel as if his best friend were really there, yet the feeling was always gone once they left the call. And he only longed for him more, silently aching and pining for a love he didn't know how to express. He brought his attention back to the anime they were binging together and commented along with Astrel's remarks on the scenes. 

It was warm. His heart pounded against his ribs, he bit his lower lip. His eyes bored into the icon as he focused on Astrel's voice alone. The main protagonists were having an important scene, and Lucian watched them as their lips pressed up against each other. 

_Just once... One kiss._ Lucian thought to himself, swallowing a hard ball of anxiety while the fantasies ran free in his head. Imaging being held in his arms and kissed till he forgot his name, the raw and fierce passion he wanted to give and recieve was difficult to contain. Especially when Astrel felt so close yet so far. Once the episode finished he quickly shook himsekf back into reality, "Um... Hey, I think I'm getting a little tired." he hoped to make his escape without seeming too suspicious.   
  
"Really? You usually finish anime in one night." The surprise in Astrel's voice panicked Lucian for a split second before he could calm himself. 

He answered steadily with a tired hum, "We were up late last night remember? Playing Genshin Impact." 

"Oh! Yeah- sorry about that." Relief quickly washed over Lucian knowing he wasn't exactly lying. "It's okay, but I'll be getting off now. Goodnight Astri." his heart ached having to say goodnight, but once he heard Astrel return the farewell he disconnected from the call. Slipping his headphones to let them sit on their stand so he could snatch his earbuds and his phone, retreating to his safe haven. His bed.

As soon as he got comfortable under the covers he tried to stay awake for at least a little bit longer, scrolling on Instagram and TikTok. But once he closed his eyes for long enough, his mind slipped into the darkness. 

_Just once._

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's starting off a little short, but I thought that if I extended it any further it wouldn't be as...tense. Please do not copy my work onto any other platforms. Thank you :D


End file.
